i'd have said puta!! but its a bad word

week's been so bad i actually had to write. the energy, however, of dishing out words of hate and karmic consequence have escaped me such that i'm really left with nothing but simple four letter words. most of the good ones i've saved for the pleading against a person of ill habit--he lies. of course, one should never wish other people bad fortune. its inviting, however, to point out to this new found subject of my ire, that he has a pregnant wife. i have gathered all the strength i could muster just to NOT wish that kharma take a detour.

but enough of that. i have started a practice and its creepy in its mix of overwhelming responsibility and the promise of financial gain. one gets that same thump in the chest everyone gets in times of intense panic. only, its occurence limits itself when one thinks about the whole scenario. too bad, my profession requires me to think. and i am in that scenario. every minute of the day.

so i get the thump every waking hour. not sure if i'm approaching a client's problem right. are there better ways about it. will....i.....get.....paid.

that's when i say PUTA!

which is better than a longer variance that actually suggests the profession of someone else's mother. this way, i dont get personal. its just a cry in the dark. or a scream at divinity. none of which i intend to do, of course, but the guilt is there. its just like vomit when one is dizzy. it just goes up and out.

because, more often than not, just about everyone is infused with the collective disgust for lawyers that no one, not here, can seem to actually believe that the lawyers are there to help. so not too many pay readily. yet, their counsels have saved their assess too often enough they should be grateful. lawyers can be good. well, not really. there's just a few. too few to count. here. Philippines. NOT including this bastard who lies....

see, something is just wrong with being brought up a boy scout and trained a lawyer. it just wont work. one or the other will fail. and whichever will survive can only be half as good as he can actually be had he decided to commit to just one.

so i plod on and on, living off the miseries of others. always. there are the lies and deceptions each day of the week. its off on sundays if one can quiet the greed a bit.

and for that "puta!!" isnt quite enough.